


Irredeemable

by fortissimo_hands



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Abusive Jasper/Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/F, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Jasper/Lapis Lazuli (Steven Universe), im serious about that, peri is a raging homophobe for the first few chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-20
Packaged: 2020-10-05 11:31:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 12,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20488193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fortissimo_hands/pseuds/fortissimo_hands
Summary: Your name is Peridot and you hate music class.You hate your teacher. You hate that the teacher's own son is not only in the class, but incredibly obnoxious about it. You hate that your mostly gay classmates won't shut up about their latest ~composition~ like pretentious brats. And most of all, you hate the blue-haired girl in the corner of the room.That's okay. She hates you too.





	1. Notes

You’d say “speak of the devil”, but you can’t really expect much else if you’re going to be walking into Hell.

Also, you didn’t technically speak of the devil. You haven’t mentioned her by name in several months, and come to think of it you’ve very rarely even referred to her using pronouns out loud. Your friends, for the most part, shared your unwillingness to talk about her, and so even as you walked into Hell, you did not utter the devil’s name, did not talk about her at all.

You certainly thought about her very loudly, however.

You try to tell yourself that it’s not her. You’re almost totally faceblind. Prosopagnosia, to use the technical term. Any skinny, blue-haired teenager would look like her from your point of view.

There are a surprisingly large amount of skinny, blue-haired teenagers in Beach City.

Very few have part-time jobs -- unnatural hair colours don’t make one look employable and not too many teens are interested in work anyway. Fewer still work at McDonald’s, and you find it hard to believe that more than one works at this specific McDonald’s.

On one hand, you shouldn’t be surprised, and to be honest, you’re not. Just annoyed.

She works eight hours a week, if that. Even despite the fact that she can only work on weekends and you can only go to McDonald’s on weekends, you think it’s a bit too coincidental that she’s always there when you go there.

You can see her doing something or other behind the counter, but the person actually taking orders is someone you’ve never met, so you just hope that you get in and out quickly before she notices you. You get in line.

You read the menu. You are very interested in reading the menu. It is the most engaging thing you have ever read. You could read this menu for hours. You could take a photo of it so you have something entertaining to read when you’re bored. You are very interested in reading the menu.

“Hi, how can I help you?” asks a voice that’s just a little too deadpan to be professional.

You can’t delude yourself anymore. You can’t delude yourself into thinking that someone else will serve you while she’s busy doing something else in the background, because she’s standing right in front of you right now. And you can’t delude yourself into thinking it’s not her, because her voice is too familiar not to be, and her nametag clearly displays _Lapis_.

You knew you should have asked Yellow to go for you.

Her expression seems blank, and her “how can I help you” is just as emotionless as it is when she’s serving a complete stranger. You’re not surprised, honestly. You go out of your way to avoid each other if you can, so it makes sense that she would choose to pretend she does not know you when you have to interact briefly.

A small mercy. You can attach many insults to Lazuli, but “petty” is not one of them. Spiteful, perhaps, but not petty; she may organise the ruining of your life in revenge, but she certainly won’t cause you a slight inconvenience purely to hurt you.

You can’t say the same about yourself. But you don’t particularly want a confrontation with Lazuli, and you especially don’t want it in a very public McDonald’s, where everyone can see your tantrum-throwing and Lazuli can get you kicked out. You’re not letting her win like that.

So, you return the favour. You pretend you don’t know her.

“Six McNuggets, please,” you mumble, and the scowl does not lift from her face as she lists the price, takes your payment, and starts preparing the food.

A few minutes later she gives it to you, and you eagerly snatch it up and walk out. You would normally stay and eat it at a table, especially since you’ll have to eat it while walking home this way, but you would prefer to keep your time in the same building as Lazuli to an absolute minimum.

You open the box. There are five nuggets in it. You shouldn’t care. To be honest, you don’t. But you have heard stories of employees being fired or having drastic pay cuts over being given anything less than five stars on that stupid app thing McDonald’s has.

You’re petty. You could do it. You have an excuse.

You wouldn’t dare.

* * *

You’re not sure which part of your brain made the connection between enjoying listening to music and enjoying music class, but you know that part was wrong.

You like music. You like listening to music. You like big, bulky lime green Bluetooth headphones blasting the latest dubstep remix of Old Town Road and the Hatsune Miku cover of Bad Guy and the 8-bit version of All Star. You like synthesized noise and meme songs. You like music.

You hate music class.

You hate spending hours learning about how to turn a C-major key into a C-minor key. You hate listening to theme songs of movies you hate and being forced to identify every instrument used. You hate having to play instruments in front of the class. You hate listening to your classmates go on about their latest “composition” like pretentious brats. You hate quavers and crotchets and minims and semibreves. You hate unmemorable phrases that are meant to help you remember things, like “face in the space” and “every good boy does fine”.

You hate your classmates.

You hate the black girl with two moms (that are in love with each other…) that’s always on Jasper’s bad side. You hate the abnormally skinny girl with the lesbian haircut and the obvious crush on the (female!) teacher. You hate Jasper’s fat short sister that eats in class and does not bother with the work. You hate the obnoxious freshman that looks more like an eight-year-old and seems to be the teacher’s son.

You hate the blue-haired girl at the back of the class that pretends you don’t exist, that pretends she does not know who you are, that thinks she can be in music class with you for the whole year without having to address what she did to Jasper.

It’s okay that you hate Lazuli.

She hates you too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes for the first chapter:  
-The "Yellow" mentioned briefly ("You knew you should have asked Yellow to go for you") is Yellow Pearl. I know a lot of people change the Pearl's names in human aus (partly because colours aren't realistic names, and partly because otherwise there would be three characters named Pearl), but my personal experience is that name changes just make it harder to get into the fic because you have to remember who's who.  
-So basically in this fic, the Pearls are sisters named White, Yellow, Blue, and Pink (with Pink preferring to be known by her last name ... which, by coincidence, is Pearl). Not 100% sure about White, but my general idea is that Yellow makes money by doing odd jobs for Peridot's family/company/idk which is why there would be a question of Peridot sending Yellow to McDonalds in her place. Blue probably does something similar for Blue Diamond.  
-The surprisingly large amount of skinny blue-haired teens in Beach City was meant to be a reference to how many Gems have blue hair, but it wasn't until after writing it that I Realised that, in the context of this fic, there aren't that many -- Sapphire is Garnet's mum, Holly Blue Agate and Blue Diamond are probably teachers or something, and Aquamarine isn't really skinny and is probably more like 12. So like just pretend that 2 is a lot ok?  
-I'm aware that Old Town Road and Bad Guy will probably no longer be ~popular meme songs~ within a few months of me publishing this, but let's face it Peri would 100% not only unironically like meme songs but also like old meme songs  
-The "black girl with two moms that's always on Jasper's bad side" is Garnet. The "abnormally skinny girl with the lesbian haircut and the obvious crush on the teacher" is Pearl. "Jasper's fat sister" is Amethyst.  
-The "obnoxious freshman that looks more like an eight-year-old and seems to be the teacher's son" is Steven. The fact that he looks like and eight-year-old is a reference to the fact that canon!Steven is chronologically 14 (so old enough to be a freshman) but mentally and physically around 8.  
-Also, in case Pearl having a crush on her and Steven being her son didn't make it obvious, the music teacher is Rose, who in this AU didn't die giving birth to Steven! She's still dating Greg, but he works at a carwash so we probably won't see him in the fic.  
-i am so sorry for peri being subtly homophobic and generally unflattering in her descriptions of the other characters, i promise she gets better


	2. Struck a Chord

You get into music class and the teacher tells you to stop listening to music.

Your lime Bluetooth headphones are blasting the soundtrack to Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire. You have the entire soundtrack on your phone, all 160 songs. You like every single one.

With one exception.

Appeal Love. One of the few songs at the end of the album that aren’t in the games themselves, but instead put in as a “bonus” track. A song with Japanese lyrics to the melody of a certain character’s theme tune. Out of curiosity, you researched the English translation of the lyrics, and immediately regretted it.

You don’t remember the exact words, but the gist is that it’s a love song. The character who’s theme the melody is modeled after actually has two in-game lines implying that they wrote the song. Some details in the lyrics, along with the fact that the character has little interactions with other NPCs, strongly imply that the character is singing about her love for the player.

_Her_ love for the player. Her clearly romantic love for the player that can technically be either gender, but who in your experience is usually female.

You’re not sure how they got away with sneaking a lesbian ballad into a kid’s game series, but you don’t like it.

The skinny girl with the pixie cut gives an obviously lovestruck look at the music teacher. You’re disgusted.

You used to be one of those homophobic jerks who says things like “hate the sin, love the sinner”. Now you know better.

You hate the sinner.

You’re not actually religious, but you don’t have to be to know that it’s unnatural and wrong.

Anyway, you walk into music class and the teacher tells you to stop listening to music. You reluctantly take your headphones off, though you doubt she would actually punish you if you refuse. You wait a few minutes for other students to arrive, and the teacher begins talking.

The teacher is tall and fat and pink-haired and talks like she’s a misplaced preschool teacher. “Now, class,” she says. “today we’re going to learn about --”

“Ooh! Mom! Mom!”

The obnoxious freshman who looks like an eight-year-old raises his hand eagerly.

“I wrote another song! Can I sing it? Please, please, mom, let me sing it!”

The teacher chuckles fondly. “Of course, Steven. Is it on the ukulele?”

Steven nods eagerly, jumping out of his seat. The teacher gives a warm smile and unlocks the door to the storeroom. She reaches in to grab a ukulele and hands it to her son, who beams and stands in front of the class. “This song is called Giant Woman.”

Steven Quartz-Universe is probably the only reason that the stupid teacher feels the need to regularly remind you that, when writing a song as an amateur musician, having coherent lyrics is less important than having a good melody and chord progression.

“All I wanna do  
Is see you turn into  
A giant woman,  
a giant woman!  
All I wanna be  
is someone who gets to  
see a giant woman!”

You raise an eyebrow. What the actual fuck is this supposed to mean?

“All I wanna do  
is help you turn into  
a giant woman,  
a giant woman!  
All I wanna be  
is someone who gets to  
see a giant woman!”

...Yeah, what the fuck?

“Oh I know it’ll be great  
and I just can’t wait  
to see the person you are together!  
If you give it a chance  
You can do a huge dance!  
Because you are a giant woman!”

This is by far Steven’s worst and most nonsensical song so far. That’s saying a lot. If you remember correctly, his last “composition” was titled Steven and the Crystal Gems, and was a deceptively happy song about the dangers of time travel.

“You might even like being together  
and if you don’t it won’t be forever,  
but if it were me,  
I’d really wanna be,  
a giant woman,  
a giant woman!  
All I wanna do,  
is see you turn into  
a giant woman.”

Everyone claps politely. You do not clap. He has done nothing to deserve your applause.

“Wonderful, Steven!” says the teacher. “What is the song about?”

“I dunno,” he answers with a shrug.

“You don’t know?!” chokes the skinny girl with the lesbian haircut. You think she might be Yellow’s sister. “Why, it was obviously a metaphor for wanting two friends to stop fighting with each other and learn that they work better as a team!”

“Chill, P,” says Jasper’s sister. “It’s just meant to sound cool. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“Of course it has to mean something!” protests “P”. You sincerely doubt that’s her real name. Her initial, possibly. Maybe both of her initials, if your suspicion about her being Yellow Pearl’s sister is correct.

The class begins engaging in playful debate over what the song means, if it means anything at all, if it should mean anything at all, and if there are ethical issues in the teacher’s son being allowed to get up and perform a nonsense song at any time because memorising a chord progression and having nonsensical lyrics is “songwriting”.

A deadpan voice speaks up from the back of the room.

“Heh, maybe the giant woman was my ex.”

Jasper’s sister spares Lazuli a knowing look, but then immediately goes back to her argument with “P”. You, meanwhile, turn in your seat, staring at her with horror.

“How can you joke about that?!” you stutter, speaking to her for the first time since her breakup.

She looks genuinely taken aback by your bravery. It’s been a long time since you’ve dared speak to her. It’s been a long time since you’ve dared even acknowledge her.

Before she can respond, the teacher interrupts.

“I have an idea!” she says warmly. “Every week when we have class on Tuesday, we can start the lesson by having someone perform an original song! It would really help encourage your creativity, and this way you can all have a turn to sing.”

Hmm. Every Tuesday. There’s a lot of school weeks left in the term, and most students will be in a more advanced music class with the same teacher next year. She surely can’t show her favouritism toward Steven so strongly that he performs week after week while nobody else gets a turn.

It seems likely that everybody in this music class will compose and perform an original song at some point.

Except you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Appeal Love is a real song in the Pokemon ORAS soundtrack!


	3. Falling Flat

It’s Monday.

You don’t know that you could call yourself a “normal” teenager. “Normal” teenagers aren’t almost totally faceblind -- prosopagnosia, to use the technical term. “Normal” teenagers aren’t able to call the older sister of the lesbian in your music class to get them to do favours for you. “Normal” teenagers haven’t been forced to witness exactly why lesbian relationships never work out, to see it happening to your two best friends.

You are a normal teenager, in that normal teenagers hate Monday and you hate Monday.

You walk to school stupidly early and meet up with Jasper on a tree near the football oval. It’s a tradition left over from when all three of you would meet up every morning. Jasper is late, as usual.

“Late” as in later than you would like. In terms of arriving to class on time, she’s early.

Someone else is early. One of the girls in your music class. The black one with two moms. Jasper hates her.

You’re not sure what to think. You pity her, a little. You know that, what with having two moms and all, she probably doesn’t have a great home environment and Jasper probably isn’t helping. But you can’t exactly say it’s wrong for Jasper to use her as a punching bag.

She needs a punching bag.

Better her than you.

“Hey Garnet, you stupid dyke!” yells Jasper. The girl pretends not to hear her.

That’s a mistake.

There was a time when Jasper would be across the court in a second; now, she’s forced to tread quietly, hoping Garnet doesn’t hear her. When she’s close enough for Garnet to turn, she swings her fist.

Garnet is a good punching bag, because she won’t go down without a fight.

She stumbles backwards, and uses a nearby tree to steady herself, but within a second she’s back in the fight, aiming a punch at Jasper. Jasper ducks her head to avoid the blow and pins Garnet’s shoulders against the tree. “Hey Peri! Help me hold the dyke down!”

You hesitate. Do you have any business interfering with Garnet and Jasper’s rivalry? You certainly don’t approve of her lifestyle, but you can’t blame her for what her parents chose to do, and if their relationship is anything like the one other lesbian relationship you’ve seen…

You help Jasper hold her down.

Better her than you.

You’re not as strong as Garnet -- you’re not even close -- and you’re not as tall as her, either. You’ve always been on the short side, and Garnet is a little taller than average. You would have to stand on your toes like a small child and reach your arms up as high as you can to pin her shoulder.

It doesn’t matter. Jasper can keep her pinned with one arm. You just have to hold the other arm so she doesn’t hit back.

You grab onto her arm, and use all your strength to hold on. You hope that you can grip so tightly that when she tries to hit Jasper, she picks you up with her and lacks the strength to lift her arm high enough. Satisfied with your help, Jasper draws back her fist.

Garnet always wears sunglasses, even in class. You didn’t know why for a long time. But as the plastic frames of the glasses snap in half and fall to the ground under the force of Jasper’s fist, you see her eyes for the first time. Her right eye is a regular boring brown, but her left is a piercing blue.

Jasper bursts out laughing.

“They’re that fucked up, aren’t they? They can’t even get your eyes right!”

You know who “they” is referring to. So does Garnet.

“Don’t say that,” she snarls. “You’re only saying that because of your own insecurities.”

Jasper’s face turns red with fury and she draws back her fist again, swinging it into Garnet with full force.

“Just because you never loved your girlfriend doesn’t mean my moms don’t love each other!” yells Garnet furiously. “And just because your parents never loved you doesn’t mean mine don’t love me!”

Jasper looks behind her. You follow her glance. She’s looking at a familiar tall, muscular girl in senior year. Sugilite. Jasper’s cousin. Not exactly Garnet’s best friend. You don’t want to think of how they could hurt her together.

“Love,” snarls Jasper, pulling Garnet toward her by the collar. “Is just a cheap tool to make weak people stronger.”

Sugilite is getting closer, leering menacingly at Garnet. Garnet is struggling against Jasper’s grip. Jasper is holding Garnet tightly by the collar, lifting her up a few inches.

You’re growing increasingly certain that Garnet is about to have the shit beat out of her.

“I have to go to class,” you mumble uneasily. Nobody questions the excuse, even though class still isn’t starting for another ten minutes.

You walk away.

* * *

It’s recess. Monday recess. You still hate Monday.

You’re showing Jasper the latest game on your phone when you notice someone glaring up at you. This is notable, because people don’t glare _up_ at you, they just glare at you. They don’t need to look up to glare at you. You’re short.

Jasper’s fat sister is shorter.

“Jas,” scolds the girl. “You went too far this morning with G.”

Jasper shrugs carelessly. “What are you going to do about it?”

“No, I’m serious,” protests her sister. “You went _too_ far.”

You cringe. You don’t want to be involved in this. Jasper's fat sister is angry, and Jasper and Sugilite were the perpetrators; it’s clear that this is a family issue. “I have to go to class,” you say, three minutes before you actually need to go to class.

You have music class. You hate music class. You hate Monday. You wonder what will happen tomorrow.

You go to music class -- or rather, you go to the music room, since it’s not classtime yet. You poke your head in the door and immediately duck back out.

It’s Garnet. She’s talking to the teacher. Her sunglasses always made her seem inpenetrable, and she looks quite vulnerable without them. The fact that she looks like she’s been crying does not help.

You can hear them still.

“I don’t understand!” she says, audibly distressed. “I know that it’s just because she has issues with herself, but -- why does she have to hurt me because of it?” Her voice breaks. “Why can’t my moms have just been straight?”

“Garnet.” The teacher’s voice is firm yet compassionate. “Don’t question this. Don’t question any of this. You already _are_ the answer."


	4. Sharp Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was posted using my phone instead of my iPad so let me know if there are any formatting oddities

You are like an average teenager, in that you hate Monday. You’re not entirely sure if average teenagers also hate Tuesday.

You hate Tuesday.

You hate rather a lot of days, actually. You hate Tuesday slightly less than other days -- or at least slightly less than you hate other days when you have music class -- because you expect that you’ll be able to spend the first five minutes of class playing games on your phone under the desk while the teacher’s pet sings.

That’s five minutes you don’t have to spend pretending you know what the fuck a semibreve is.

You expect it will be Steven again. You won’t pay attention when Steven sings. His song won’t make sense. It will probably be about some made-up concept like giant women or time travel. The lyrics will be complete nonsense, but he’ll get away with it because the melody is okay and the words (barely) rhyme.

As expected, he’s early to class, and by the time you get inside he’s already raising his hand frantically in much the same way that the skinny girl with the lesbian haircut and the crush on the teacher raises her hand frantically in English class when she’s correctly deduced some metaphorical symbolism in the book you’re being forced to read.

“Mo-om,” he whines. “I wanna play one of my songs! These ones have cooler lyrics and --”

“I’m sorry, Steven,” says the teacher. “but I’ve already promised Garnet she can sing a song today. She’s been working really hard on it.”

“I work really hard on my songs too,” protests Steven, pouting. But as soon as Garnet comes into the room the smile is back on his face. “What are you singing about, Garnet?”

“You’ll see,” she says mysteriously.

She takes a seat and waits for the others to come. Jasper’s sister and Yellow’s sister sit next to her, as usual, on opposite sides of her. Lazuli sits at the back of the room. The class fills with teenagers, and just as everyone gets out their phones so that they can do something actually enjoyable, the teacher speaks.

“Phones away, kids,” she says warmly. “Garnet has a song she’d like to perform this week.”

“Ooh!” yells Yellow’s sister, hand shooting into the air. “Miss Quartz, Miss Quartz, do you want me to get the instruments out --”

“Pearl.”

Garnet holds up a hand to silence the girl. So she is Yellow’s sister. You’re not sure why she’s going by her last name, but you suppose it makes sense. White, Yellow, and Blue; their parents aren’t the most creative. Her first name is probably some other colour.

Garnet reaches into her bag and takes out a maroon iPad. Is she allowed to bring that to school? You don’t know. You don’t care.

She walks to the front of the room. She’s limping slightly and there’s a notable bruise on her left arm. She opens what looks like the GarageBand app, or something similar.

“Before I perform,” she explains. “I’d like to explain what inspired me to write this song. There’s a girl in my PE class who’s a lesbian.”

Appeal Love starts playing loudly. You take your headphones off. You’re getting really sick of lesbian ballads being everywhere.

“She’s had a relationship in the past that didn’t work out,” she explains. “and because of that, she’s formed opinions about all gay couples. She’s taking her issues out on me because I have two moms.”

You freeze.

“I wrote this song to remind myself that she’s just a bully, and that I’m confident in myself while she’s insecure. And because of that, I’ll always be stronger than her.”

A few chords start playing. You think the instrument is some sort of strings. You didn’t know she was in Jasper’s PE class, but you’re not surprised -- they’re the most athletic students in the grade and classes are arranged based on skill. Not to mention the fact that Garnet was bruised after every PE class and Jasper loved PE.

She starts singing.

“This is Garnet,  
Back together,  
and I’m never going down at the hands of the likes of you  
because I’m so much better  
and every part of me is saying go get her.”

You’re not sure how to break it to her that she’s completely and utterly wrong.

“The three of us aren’t gonna follow your rules,  
Come at me without any of your fancy tools,  
Let’s go, just me and you.  
Let’s go, just one on two.”

She’s fucked if you tell Jasper about this.

“Go ahead and try to hit me if you’re able  
Can’t you see that their relationship is stable?  
I can see you hate the way they intermingle  
But I think you’re just mad ‘cause you’re single!”

...Yeah, you’re not telling Jasper about this. She’ll shoot the messenger.

“And you’re not gonna stop what we’ve made together!  
We are gonna stay like this forever  
If you break us apart we’ll just come back newer  
And I’ll always be twice the girl that you are!  
I am made  
O-o-o-o-of  
Lo-o-o-o-ove  
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!”

You scoff, earning a glare from Miss Quartz. Whatever Garnet is made of, whatever caused her to be created, it’s not love. Love between two women doesn’t exist.

“Lo-o-o-o-ove,  
Lo-o-o-o-ove,  
Lo-o-o-o-ove!”

There’s an instrumental break. You don’t like it. After a while, she starts again on the second verse.

“This is who we are,  
This is who I am,  
And if you think you can stop me  
Then you need to think again  
Because I am a feeling  
And I will never end  
And I won’t let you hurt my family,  
I won’t let you hurt my friends.”

But Jasper will hurt her. And you can’t stop her.

“Go ahead and try to hit me if you’re able,  
Can’t you see that their relationship is stable?  
I know you think I’m not something you’re afraid of  
Cause you think that you’ve seen what I’m made of  
But I am even more than the two of them  
Everything they care about is what I am  
I am their fury, I am their patience,  
I am a conversation…”

Admittedly, it’s actually almost close to nearly being an okay song, if it weren’t for the lyrics being even more bullshit than Steven’s. Jasper’s not a bully.

“I am made  
O-o-o-o-of  
Lo-o-o-o-ove  
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh!  
And it’s stronger than you!”

Pfft. Nothing’s stronger than Jasper.

“Lo-o-o-o-ove,  
Lo-o-o-o-ove,  
Lo-o-o-o-ove,  
And it’s stronger than you!”

You thought Steven’s lyrics were bad but at least he was open about the fact that they weren’t meant to be true. Garnet is straight-up lying to make Jasper look bad. And judging by Lazuli’s content smile and Jasper’s sister’s cheering, it’s working.

“Lo-o-o-o-ove,  
Lo-o-o-o-ove,  
Lo-o-o-o-ove,  
And it’s stronger than you!”

You should tell Jasper about this. She’s being defamed and she’s not here to defend herself. If you tell her, she can get revenge.

“Lo-o-o-o-ove,  
Lo-o-o-o-ove,  
Lo-o-o-o-ove…”

The song ends and Garnet walks back to her seat. Everyone claps, especially Jasper’s sister, and Lazuli. You barely pay attention for the rest of the class. All you can think about is how you’re going to tell Jasper about this during lunch.

* * *

Jasper is easy to find at lunch. You take a seat next to her in the cafeteria as she starts scoffing down her food. She eats even more than her sister.

Jasper is tall and athletic. Her sister is short and lazy. Jasper needs the food. Her sister is just a pig.

“So how was music class?” she asks.

Garnet limps past you. She visibly tenses as Jasper glowers at her menacingly. As Jasper turns her head down to shove more food in her mouth, Garnet raises her sunglasses and gives you a pleading look before she limps off.

“Well?” asks Jasper expectantly. “Anything happen in music class?”

You glance at Garnet. She’s still limping.

“Nothing much.”


	5. Do You B# What I Mean

  
“Peridot, take your headphones off.”

You can’t hear her. Your headphones are too loud.

“Peridot.”

She waves her arm in front of your face. You can’t see her. Your headphones are too loud.

“If you don’t take your headphones off, I’ll have to give you a detention.”

Your headphones are relatively quiet. You can hear her easily. You take your headphones off.

“Amethyst is about to perform,” scolds the teacher. “How would you feel if you were performing a song you worked hard on and people wouldn’t even listen?”

You don’t know. You wouldn’t perform a song. You wouldn’t even work hard on one.

“Amethyst” is apparently Jasper’s fat sister. Why is she named Amethyst? Why is Jasper named Jasper? Apparently they have a gem name theme. You can’t really talk. Your name is Peridot.

Amethyst is holding a bass guitar and anxiously rubbing the back of her neck. “Okay, so… This song is called Tower of Mistakes, and it’s about how I thought my cousin was my friend or something? I really enjoyed hanging out with her, but then she chose my sister of me and did something really awful to my friend.”

Is every song for the next month going to be about Jasper and Sugilite beating the shit out of Garnet?

“Maybe you’re better off with her,  
I think she’s better for you,  
I forgot how great it felt to be us  
Guess I got carried away.”

Is the song addressed to Sugilite? Who else could she be talking to?

“I had to use you to make me feel strong  
But I don’t care about that now  
I see a tower built out of my mistakes  
And it all comes crashing down…”

For the final section, she looks up from her bass and makes direct eye contact with Garnet.

“Is there something I can do?  
Is there something I can do?  
Is there something I can do?  
Can I make it up to you?”

Garnet adjusts her sunglasses. “No.” she says bluntly.

For a second Amethyst looks genuinely hurt. But Garnet’s lips twist up into a smile, and she says, “There’s nothing you can do to make it up to me, because it wasn’t your fault in the first place. Jasper exposed a side of Sugilite that you were unaware of, and I don’t blame you for that.”

Everyone claps. You don’t. Miss Quartz gives you a look. “Now,” she says. “It’s time to get to the work. Today we’re going to be focusing on -- Yes?”

She points at someone behind you, who must be raising their hand. An all-too-familiar deadpan voice answers.

“Can I perform a song this time next week? I’ve been working on something.”

“Of course, Lapis,” says Miss Quartz.

You groan.


	6. Alto Soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: This chapter contains mentions of abuse, (almost) drowning, and attempted murder in self-defense. It also involves a character going to great lengths to demonise an abuse victim in order to justify being friends with her abuser (I promise she gets better)

You storm out of the room, willingly ignoring that you’re meant to be in math class now. Yellow’s sister calls after you -- she’s in your math class as well as music, and God knows she’s obnoxious about it -- and you pretend your music is too loud to hear. You make a beeline to the bathroom and lock yourself in a cubicle.

Skipping class isn’t something you do. Skipping math class -- your favourite class of the day -- is especially not something you do. But you know that you’re good enough at math to make up for any work you miss, if you do end up missing the whole lesson. If you’re in here for more than five minutes, you’ll probably stay until next period. Your teacher has backwards priorities and is more likely to give you a detention for being late than to give you one for not showing up to class at all.

“Gah!” you whisper in frustration. You have to be quiet, because you’ll be in trouble if someone finds out you don’t have a hall pass to be in here, but you can’t keep in the grunt that escapes you.

She _lied!_

You’re not sure who _she_ is referring to. One of them lied, for sure. Their stories are mutually exclusive. One of them lied to you. You’re not sure which one.

* * *

“It all became so lovely,

Those bluest skies above me,  
Those funny feelings I had never felt before I met you.”

She sung to the class, strumming a ukulele for accompaniment. Her voice was raw and full of emotion. As much as you hated her, you couldn’t deny that she sounded good.

“I thought I’d stay a while,  
I tried to learn to smile,  
So many colours I had never even known…  
Maybe I’ll find myself sitting on that distant shore.  
Maybe I’m not alone.”

Steven nodded encouragingly. The class was on the edge of their seats. For once, you weren’t excluded.

“Then I see the colours fading  
Gentleness of light escaping  
Shadows of my fear invading  
Have I seen this all before?  
I know that there’s something residing  
A terror deep inside me  
I couldn’t understand how you could be so bold…”

She tood a hand off the ukulele and ran it through her blue hair. She actually looked pretty. She sounded pretty, too.

“Maybe I’ll find myself smiling on that distant shore  
Maybe I’m not alone.”

Steven raised his hand eagerly. “That was an amazing song!” he cheered.

“Thanks,” said Lazuli, back to her deadpan voice. Apparently she could only show emotion while singing.

“What’s it about?” asked Steven, which was odd. You’d heard his songs. They weren’t about anything, or at least anything that made sense.

Lazuli answers him with all the emotion of a brick. “It’s about how I have severe PTSD from the time I almost killed my abusive girlfriend in self-defense.”

You were shaking for the rest of the lesson. You still are.

* * *

She _lied!_ She lied about something like that to the whole class, for what? To seem angsty and emo?! How could she lie about something like that?!

That explains how she didn’t get expelled or arrested when it happened, you suppose.

Come to think of it, her story does seem plausible. Jasper has anger issues. But they got so much worse after the breakup because of what Lazuli did to her!

Why is everyone defaming Jasper in music class? Why are you the only one who understands that she never did anything wrong!?

* * *

“It was all a trick,” she rasped, her throat still sore from her time with the breathing tube. “She took advantage of me. She lured me to the beach so she could drown me!”

You looked at her, clearly in pain as a result of the countless machines forced into her just to keep her alive, visibly wincing with each breath, and you didn’t have the heart to question it.

You didn’t even have the heart to point out that you _told_ her. You _told_ her it wouldn’t work out! You told her she wasn’t a real lesbian and she was just acting that way because her sister had a girlfriend, you told her Lazuli was probably taking advantage of you, but she called you homophobic to shut you up!

She barely talked during her hospital stay. She was in too much pain. But as soon as she could talk freely, she started telling everyone about how she was an ex-gay, about how her sister brainwashed her into thinking she liked girls, and about how she knew same-sex relationships couldn’t work because she had seen it for herself.

You felt some sort of petty pride, because you _knew_ it. You _knew_ that her “crush” on Lazuli was just a combination of her sister having a girlfriend and Lazuli showing interest. The human mind is easy to trick, but you were an objective observer, and you knew Jasper too well to fall for this.

You felt proud because you knew her so well. Now you’re not sure if you ever knew her at all.

* * *

You get out of the bathroom. It’s lunchtime. You find Jasper. Against your better interests, you bring up the song.

She does not shoot the messenger. At first. It’s clear that she will if you agree with the message.

“Bitch,” she says, glaring at Lazuli. “Of course she just wants to make me look bad.”

Right. It was Lazuli that lied, but Jasper was telling the truth the whole time. Lazuli lied. Jasper told the truth.

Lazuli sent a text late at night asking Jasper to come to the beach with her. Lazuli waited in the dark for Jasper to be near the ocean. Lazuli held her head underwater and a bystander called emergency services just in time.

Jasper was not abusive. Lazuli did not almost kill her in self-defense. The (admittedly very good) song was just some generic angsty thing that wasn’t inspired by real life, and the story about Jasper being abusive was just to make herself look good and Jasper look bad.

Lazuli lied.

Not only did she string Jasper along for all those months and try to literally murder her, she had the audacity to lie about it! Hasn’t she damaged Jasper enough?! Does she just want to ruin her life?!

You hate Lazuli. Properly hate her.

She’s irredeemable.


	7. Chapter 7

There’s a Pikachu toy in your bedroom.

You’re too old for toys.

It’s not even a particularly nice toy; you got it second-hand online and you can’t tell whether it’s genuine merchandise, a fan-made replica, or just some idiot who barely knows how to sew trying to make a toy for his kids who lost interest in Pokemon within a week. In addition, you’re far too old to justify having more than one Pokemon toy, which means that you’d like the one toy you do have to be a good Pokemon; Pikachu’s not exactly bad, per se, but it’s not exactly good either, and severely overrated as a result of its popularity in the anime that is more well-known than the (objectively superior) original games.

You can’t bring yourself to throw it out.

There’s a large bit of string peeking out from when you got Yellow to stitch up a hole in it for you.

You say that the reason you stopped bringing the Pikachu to school is because a few weeks into freshman year you realised that while having toys in middle school was a little eccentric and kind of cute, having toys in high school is a one-way ticket to having no friends except the bully and the blue-haired lesbian.

You say that the hole you forced Yellow to stitch up was just because it was an old toy. That wasn’t exactly a lie. It was old and easily breakable. It’s entirely possible that Jasper kicking it was just the straw that broke the camel’s back, and that the fabric would have torn sooner or later regardless of outside influence.

That does not change the fact that, a few weeks into your freshman year, Jasper kicked something that belonged to you, hard enough to break it, and refused to apologise.

The first chance was because, well, she had no friends except for you and Lazuli and you had no friends except for her and Lazuli and depending on which side Lazuli took one of you would end up lonely. And besides, everyone deserves a second chance.

The next chance was because honestly, turning your prosopagnosia into a joke wasn’t exactly nice, but it’s such a little-known condition, how was she to know the general etiquette?

The third chance was because, what with her anger issues and all, it was hard not to feel that, as her only friend (apart from Lazuli -- but she was just dragging Jasper down into her lesbian cult), that you had some sort of responsibility to teach her right from wrong. You knew she had good intentions, she just needed someone to help her understand when something was bad.

You keep giving her chances because if even for a second you admitted that she was a bully, a probable abuser, and an all-around jerk, you would have to also admit that you’ve spent almost the entirety of your high school career trying to redeem someone who never wanted to be redeemed, and that it was just a waste of time and effort and you could have ditched her ages ago.

And now, with the added possibility that admitting she’s a jerk requires admitting that you abandoned an abuse survivor that you claimed to be friends with because you believed her abuser’s lies.

So you keep telling yourself that Jasper has nothing but the best of intentions, and one day she’ll be the genuinely good person that you know she can be. The fact that you’re growing increasingly unable to risk her anger by telling her when she’s doing something morally wrong means nothing.

* * *

Rather fittingly, the first thing you see when you walk into music class is a Pikachu toy. It’s on Steven’s desk, and for some reason, nobody’s bullying him mercilessly for it. You can’t help but feel personally wronged; why should this obnoxious freshman be allowed to enjoy Pokemon and toys without being mocked, while you yourself are tortured into giving up anything that makes you unique within weeks of starting high school?

“In the Pokemon world,” he rambles eagerly to Garnet, Amethyst, and Yellow’s sister. “once you’re ten you get a Pikachu from professor Oak and then you don’t have to go to school!”

“No more school?” says Amethyst with a grin. “Aw man, I wanna be a Pokemon Trainer!”

“We can be Pokemon Trainers!” declares Steven proudly. ‘We’re just like the no school kids!”

Yellow’s sister sighs. “Steven, we are not like the no school kids! We are literally sitting in a school right now!”

The teacher clears her throat and Yellow’s sister sits up eagerly. “It’s Tuesday,” says the teacher, and everyone knows what she means. “Any volunteers?”

Steven instantly raises his hand. “Oh, mom, please let me sing! I wanna sing Dad’s song!”

“Dad’s song isn’t your song,” reminds the teacher. “and the point of performances are to show off your creativity! Anyone written a song they’d like to share?”

The room is silent. Slowly but surely, Amethyst raises her hand, her cheeks bright pink.

“Thank you, Amethyst! Come right up!”

“I’ll prepare!” volunteers Yellow’s sister eagerly. It seems that Yellow’s desire to be as helpful as possible is something that runs in the family; even ignoring her obvious need to impress the teacher that she’s obviously crushing on, she’s very quick to leap out of her seat and move a chair to the front of the room so Amethyst can sit comfortably while performing. On Amethyst’s prompting, she gets a ukulele from the storage room.

The song is deceptively cheery in both melody and chords. The lyrics are the opposite.

“I don’t care about what all the others say,  
Well, I guess there are some things that will just never go away…  
I wish that I could say that there’s no better place than home  
But home’s a place that I have never known…  
That’s why I’m on the run.”

It’s short and simple. It seems much like Lazuli’s song to you -- generic angst, probably followed by some attention-seeking explanation of how it’s based on their inner turmoil, rather than the truth -- that it was made mostly of the “poetic” text on Tumblr that’s just generic stuff about loneliness and tagged with pretty much every mental illness and unhealthy coping method under the sun.

She sits down next to Garnet. As class starts up, you can’t help but notice her whispering to Yellow’s sister and Garnet.

You listen to them. It’s easier than pretending you know what the fuck a semibreve is.

“Amethyst?” probes Yellow’s sister cautiously. “Are … things getting bad again at home?”

Amethyst remains silent.

“I know Jasper’s horrible,” says Garnet reassuringly. “But you have to remember that you’re stronger than she’ll ever be.”

God, Amethyst is annoying. Why is everyone in this class so convinced that Jasper is evil?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok couple notes for this chapter:
> 
> -Sorry about the hiatus! Or whatever you want to call it. I know this fic never really had an update schedule but I probably made a bunch of y'all think I'd abandoned it when I went from daily updates to no updates lol. I've been having a Bad Time lately and haven't been writing; I put a notice in the notes of the latest chapter of the other main fic I'm working on, Smaradgine (btw if anyone follows that fic I def won't be getting a chapter out tomorrow sorry) but I didn't see the point in this one because there's no update schedule.
> 
> -I don't agree with how Peri views Pikachu; her opinions are mostly based on how annoying Pokemon fans act that think their way of playing Pokemon (which usually involves having a full team of level 100 Pokemon that are either perfectly bred or Legendaries).
> 
> -Fun fact :) the idea of Jasper continually being a dick and Peri being still friends with her due to a combination of sunk cost fallacy and thinking she has good intentions is directly based on a shitty ex-friend that took advantage of the fact that I had no friends and was willing to let him get away with shit to avoid being lonely :) he even kicked one of my toys and broke it and refused to apologise :) the only major difference is that he was a jerk to me and nice to everyone else while Jasper was a bully to everyone but kinda nice to Peri :) this friend is the reason I've been barely updating my fics due to mental health problems because he fucked me up :) he's school captain at my school so nobody takes it seriously that he hurt me :) fuck my life :)
> 
> -Steven is actually wrong about Pokemon trainers; they don't start at age 10 in the games (well, they could in theory but it's never confirmed; the Kanto and Alola protagonists are 11, the Hoenn protags are 12, the Kalos protags are implied to be 17 and the BW protags are designed to look 16, nobody else has confirmed ages), they don't get a Pikachu (unless you're playing Let's Go Pikachu or the original Yellow version, and those are both based on the anime), and Professor Oak only gives them Pokemon in the Kanto games.
> 
> -The part immediately after that part (where Pearl is all "we're literally in a school right now") is meant to be based on Pearl's "we're not like the no home boys we're literally standing in your home right now" from the episode On the Run. It's forced af I know, I wrote this chapter in the evening while struggling with my mental health after finding out that the fucking school captain who I've been friends with since I was in the third grade is actually a dick :)
> 
> -The fact that Steven wants to sing is meant to be a reference to the fact that On the Run is a duet between him and Amethyst in canon; I needed to have Amethyst's part for later plot reasons, but Steven's part isn't really relevant so I just skipped it
> 
> -The "Dad's song" that Steven wanted to sing is Wailing Stone! Don't worry, soon he'll get a chance to sing it ... or at least sing the same melody with slightly different words. Hmm, I wonder if there's a song in canon sung by Steven that has the same melody as Wailing Stone... a song that might be what's needed to persuade Peridot to give Lapis a chance ... keep in mind that I've still got to fulfill the Steven & Peridot tag ...
> 
> -The Steven and Peri friendship will really start to show in the next chapter, as well as the details of Amethyst's home life. Sadly I have no fuckin idea when the next chapter will come out :) I'm still pissed about the fact that my childhood friend took advantage of me :) I can barely vent about it irl because my parents want me to be friends with him because he's school captain and all our mutual friends/teachers are determined to be "neutral" and "not take sides" :) he literally broke my stuff and refused to apologise while I had to write a 2 page apology letter for the one time I tried to bring up the fact that I was putting all the effort into the friendship and he was showing no care for me at all :) I still feel convinced he somehow has good intentions and if he tried to pretend to be sorry to take advantage of me again I would def fall for it :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oops I lied in the notes of last chapter about the Steven/Peridot friendship coming through this chapter ... next chapter I promise!

Speak of the devil.

You’d say you can’t expect much else if you’re going to be walking into Hell, but Hell is only supposed to have one devil, not several other insane teenagers from your music class that would probably go to Heaven instead and aren’t even dead yet in the first place.

“Lapis!” Steven yells as he runs into McDonalds, holding a ukulele and clearly out of breath. He’s soon followed by Yellow’s sister, who is equally breathless but not holding any sort of instrument, and Garnet, who is slightly less breathless and holding a phone with a maroon case.

Lazuli is just as deadpan as ever. “Please wait in line and I will serve you,” she says with all the emotion of a brick. She turns to you. “How can I help you?”

“Have you seen Amethyst?!” asks Yellow’s sister urgently.

“No,” says Lazuli. She looks back at you, about to ask for your order again, then frowns and looks back up at the trio. “Is she okay?”

“She ran away,” answers Garnet with all the emotion of a brick. You wonder why she and Lazuli don’t hang out more often.

“And she could be anywhere!” yells Yellow’s sister, audibly freaking out. “We don’t know if she has access to food or shelter, or clean water, or --”

“She’s been gone for two hours, Pearl,” interrupts Garnet, holding up a hand to silence her.

“Yeah!” encourages Steven, cheerful as ever. “She’ll probably be okay, but we still need to find her to see if she needs help!”

“Lemme guess,” says Lapis, sighing. “Her sister?”

“That’s what we gather, yes,” answers Garnet.

“Jasper won’t admit what actually happened,” explains Yellow’s sister. “But my sister Yellow does odd jobs for her sometimes and that’s how we found out.”

You frown. “Why isn’t Jasper searching? Or their parents?”

Lazuli opens her mouth to say something, then shuts it as she remembers that she’s at work. It’s Steven who uneasily explains. “Umm… Jasper and Amethyst’s parents don’t really care about them. And Jasper only cares about herself.”

You’re almost hurt by his words. “She cares about me…” you mumble uneasily. Lazuli shakes her head but doesn’t say anything.

“They always assume when this happens that it’s just a ploy for attention,” explains Garnet. “But it’ s actually because of how Jasper treats her.”

“Damn,” mumbles Lazuli meekly. “I’d search with you but, well, I’m at work. Well, I hope she’s okay.”

“Thanks for trying to help!” says Steven brightly, running out of the small McDonald’s. Yellow’s sister sprints after him and Garnet follows.

You can’t help but be kind of curious about all of this.

You want to know why they’re so concerned about Amethyst running away and why they’re so sure it’s not just a ploy for attention. Besides, you’re meant to be Jasper’s friend, and you have somewhat of a duty to find out whether she’s actually as mean to Amethyst as she supposedly is and, more importantly, find out what’s going on at home.

“How can I help you?” repeats Lazuli.

You want six McNuggets.

You glance out the window at Steven and the others running off.

“Actually,” you mumble. “I’m not that hungry.”

* * *

“Why don’t you let yourself just be somewhere different, oh-woah,

Why don’t you let yourself just be whoever you are?”

You finally catch up, breathless and hungry, and the first thing that comes out of your mouth is, “You’re searching for your missing friend and you think this is a good time for music practice?!”

“We need him for moral support,” says Garnet, patting Steven’s head. Steven looks up at you. He’s shorter than you. He’s shorter than Amethyst. You wonder if he somehow lied about his age to get into high school.

“Aren’t you meant to be eating?” asks Yellow’s sister.

“I…” You hesitate. “I wanted to help look for Amethyst.”

Garnet adjusts her sunglasses in a way that seems suspiciously like raising her eyebrow. “If I remember correctly, you’re the girl that helped Jasper beat me up.”

“Oh,” you mumble, taken aback. “...Sorry?”

Garnet does not look forgiving.

“We need all the help we can get,” says Yellow’s sister with a sigh. She turns to you. “It’s Peridot, right?”

“Yeah,” you answer. “Um… you’re Yellow’s sister, right?”

“The one and only!” says Steven proudly, pointing to her with a grin.

She sighs. “Steven, I have three sisters.”

“And your name is…?” you ask her hopefully.

She blushes. “Uh, Pink. But I prefer to be known by my last name.”

“Okay,” you say. “I’ll call you Pearl.”

Pink nods.

“So do we have a plan?” you ask. “Should we split up to cover more ground?” You really don’t think you should. Steven might be (supposedly) a freshman, but he acts like an eight-year-old and therefore he should be left unsupervised as often as an eight-year-old would be. Garnet was raised by lesbians and Pink is one. These are some dysfunctional teenagers.

Steven shakes his head. “My dad’s coming to pick us up in his van,” he explains. “I just called him. We wanted to search for her around the area before we left Beach City.”

“Miss Quartz wanted to come,” adds Pink. “but she’s not really allowed to get involved with students outside of school. Steven is the exception, obviously.”

“I’d better text my parents to tell them about this,” you mutter, getting out your lime green phone. “They’ll be okay with it, but I said I was just going to McDonald’s so they’ll want to know where I am.”

As you start typing up a message to your mother, you hear wheels screeching in the distance. You look up and see a van.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like I did a good job at avoiding ooc in this chapter! Normally everyone in my fics is ooc because I'm autistic and that makes it really hard to tell what actions would be in character ... also there should be an entire fic built around an AU where everything is the same except Lapis is a human McDonald's cashier and the Crystal Gems like McDonald's and every episode starts with them kicking down the door and running into McDonalds with a dead gem monster in their hands and Lapis just sighing and telling them to go to the end of the line


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: discussions of abuse (both parental abuse and relationship abuse)

“I call shotgun.” says Garnet.

Steven pouts childishly. “I should get shotgun, it’s my car!”

“It’s Greg’s car!” protests Pink. “And you’re practically a child, you shouldn’t sit in the front…”

You step into the van. A balding man who looks like he’s in his forties gives you a look. “Umm…”

“I’m helping them look for Amethyst,” you explain. “My name’s Peridot.”

“Greg,” says the man. You nod and walk to the back of the van, taking a seat near the window. The others pile into the van and you start staring at the scenery as the vehicle starts moving.

By the time he taps your shoulder, it’s too late to move.

You turn to Steven, annoyed. “What?”

"You're in my music class!" he says eagerly. "Have you written any songs?"

"No," you say bitterly. "and I'm not going to."

"Maybe you should! It's fun!"

You sigh. "What do you want? Why are you talking to me?"

“Well, uh, I noticed you never talk to anyone in music class, so I thought I’d try to be your friend!”

“I have friends,” you say. It’s not a lie.

“I know,” says Steven. “but I noticed that a lot of your friends are bullies so I thought maybe you felt like you didn’t have anyone else who you could be friends with.”

“Yellow’s just a little smug sometimes, not a bully,” you say defensively, and Pink nods approvingly before continuing her discussion with Garnet. “And Jasper’s mean to Amethyst and Garnet, I guess, but a lot of what you’ve heard about her is Lazuli lying.”

Steven turns away from you, looking genuinely hurt. At last he says, “You know, it’s really mean to say things like that about abuse survivors.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Just how much have you heard about them?” You can’t help but wonder if it’s ethical for the boy, who is functionally an eight-year-old, to know about the details of abuse.

“Not a lot,” Steven explains. “Mom and Dad say I’m not allowed to know about it because I’m too young. But, uh, I know that back when they were dating, Jasper was really mean to Lapis! Like, she would say bad things to her and even hit her! And she would even break her stuff…”

Something cracks in your brain as he says the last sentence, and suddenly the idea of Jasper not being the greatest girlfriend does not seem totally unfathomable.

“...Still does not really justify what she did, though,” you mumble uneasily, and that’s the end of that.

* * *

You’ve been staring out the window aimlessly for hours before Steven taps your shoulder again.

“...Peri?”

He still has that slightly hurt look, like the one he gave when you first said Lazuli was a liar. You give him an expectant look.

“You know,” he mumbles. “I guess you were kinda right about Lapis lying.”

He does not look like he thinks you were kinda right; he looks like he’s personally offended you dared critisize her. “How so?” you ask.

“Well, she didn’t really get PTSD from Jasper.” Before you can declare that you knew it, he hurries to add, “I don’t think she wanted to make her look bad, I think it was just easier to explain, because everyone knows about Jasper and nobody really knows what else happened, and everything with Jasper made her mental health worse anyway, but…”

You begin to put the pieces together. “She … went through a traumatic experience before she started dating Jasper?”

“Before she even met Jasper.”

You suddenly feel like this conversation is a dark corridor in a horror movie that you’re walking down alone with a flashlight that’s about to run out of battery, and that you have to turn back now, before things get worse.

Horror movie characters never turn back until it’s too late.

“What happened?”

Steven hesitates. “Her parents were abusive.”

“...Oh.” You tell yourself it’s no excuse for what she did, but it’s hard not to feel a little guilty. “...Were they?”

“Mmm-hmm,” he nods. “I think part of the reason she stayed with Jasper so long was because she thought it was okay because her parents did it. But it’s not! And she’s okay now, and she’s recovering with her new parents.”

“New parents?” you probe cautiously. You tell yourself that the existence of “new parents” proves that she wasn’t being abused when she almost killed Jasper, and that therefore her actions were inexcusable and unrelated to trauma.

“Yeah,” explains Steven. “I … kinda helped with that, actually! She and I went to the same middle school, and I noticed she seemed kinda lonely, so I started to be her friend! Then I invited her over to meet my mom and uh, she’s a teacher so she’s been trained to recognize abuse symptoms and she managed to get CPS involved.”

“That’s … really sad, actually.” It’s sad in the same way that Severus Snape being bullied mercilessly throughout school and seeing the girl he loved his whole life marrying one of his bullies is sad. “It’s still no excuse for her actions, though. She tried to drown Jasper!”

“In self-defense,” says Steven meekly.

You frown. Somehow you don’t feel like he’s lying. You’re not entirely sure that you believe what he says -- but you definitely believe that he believes it. “It was after they broke up. Jasper told me that Lapis -- that Lazuli sent her a message asking her to go to the beach, and Jasper went because she thought they would make up, but she tried to drown her.”

Steven frowns. “That’s not what happened at all,” he says, looking a little hurt.

The conversation goes back to that dark corridor in the horror movie, and once again you venture further despite your instincts. “...Then what did happen?”

“Jasper got really upset when they broke up,” he explains. “She tried to track her down so they would get back together. When Lapis’s new parents were out of the house, Jasper went to her house and tried to lock her in the bathroom until she took her back.”

“...Oh.” Suddenly being friends with Jasper does not seem so great.

Steven’s voice drops to a whisper. “Back when she lived with her old parents,” he explains. “they used to lock her in the bathroom as a punishment. So when Jasper did the same thing, she sort of panicked. She managed to climb out through the window and escape but Jasper followed her, and when Jasper wouldn’t stop chasing her she went into the water and said she would drown her if she came any closer. And, well…” He sighs. “I know it wasn’t really right, but she feels bad enough about it as it is, and she really thought her life was in danger. Maybe she was right.”

“...Wow,” you mumble. “That is awful.”

He nods. “You know how every week or so, her hair is freshly dyed and you can tell it’s freshly dyed because there’s blue streaks running all down her face?”

“...Yeah?” How is this relevant to the conversation you were just having?

“Well … when her parents locked her in the bathroom, she used to get so frustrated and scared that she would break the mirror, and they always got really angry at her for that. So now mirrors kind of freak her out.” Upon seeing your confused look, he adds, “Her new house does not have any mirrors and everyone just uses their phone’s selfie camera when they need to see themselves. But phones and water don’t really mix, so she has to dye her hair without a mirror and afterward she can’t see to wash the dye off her skin.”

“...Wow…” you breathe, turning away from him and looking out the window. The scenery changes, and what used to be the inaccurately named small town of Beach City is now an actual city, full of buildings and skyscrapers and apartment complexes. You frown, and you ask the question you should have asked ages ago.

“Where are we going?”


	10. Chapter 10

“Who,” you ask, and it’s more of a sigh than a sentence. “The fuck names a place Kindergarten Town?!”

“Language,” says Steven. “And I don’t know why it’s named that, but it’s where Amethyst and Jasper used to live before they moved to Beach City.”

“She goes here sometimes when she’s upset,” explains Pink. “To the house she used to live in. But it’s really old, so she’s not legally allowed there until it’s been properly repaired. She could be arrested, or the walls could collapse, or --”

“Pearl.” interrupts Garnet, holding up a hand to silence the girl. The van pulls up outside an old, greyish-purple house. You unbuckle your seatbelt on instinct, but nobody opens a door.

Garnet holds her phone to her ear as it rings twice, and then makes some sort of noise you can’t really identify. “We’re outside, Amethyst.”

There’s a reason it’s virtually impossible to hear who’s talking on a phone unless it’s right next to your ear. Phone conversations were always meant to be private. The distortion and muting of the voice that happens over the phone makes any sort of eavesdropping a near-impossible task, and you know that eavesdropping on a conversation clearly meant to be private is morally unacceptable.

You have very good hearing.

“You don’t know for sure that I’m at the old house,” says Amethyst defensively.

“I never said you were,” says Garnet. “Just that we were outside wherever we believe you are.”

There’s a long pause. Amethyst sighs. “C’mon, G. Don’t make me go home. You know how Jas is.”

“You know how she is better than I do.” Garnet pauses. “So you of all people should know that this isn’t your fault.”

“I know, it’s just … Ugh, you know Jas, G. It gets a little overwhelming sometimes, you know?”

“Of course I know.” She catches herself. “Well, I don’t know what it’s like to live with her, but … I can imagine.” She glances around at the passengers of the van, then sighs. “You’ll obviously have to go back tomorrow night so you can go to school on Monday, but you can stay with my moms for the weekend.”

“Or with me!” volunteers Steven eagerly.

“Yellow might tell Jasper where you are, but if you’re willing to take that risk, my doors are always open,” interjects Pearl.

Garnet repeats both of their words for Amethyst, then grins as she hangs up. She stands up and opens the van door, and watches as a short, dark-skinned figure walks inside and takes a seat.

Her arms are crossed somewhat defensively; she raises an eyebrow on seeing that you joined the rescue team and you raise one right back, which seems to get her to back off.

“Let’s all go to Garnet’s house together!” suggests Steven.

Greg chuckles. “Okay, I’ll drive you there … err … What about you, Peridot? Are you going to join the playdate with Garnet?”

You hesitate.

You never told Jasper for obvious reasons, but you used to walk to school with Garnet, before everything with she and Lazuli fell apart. You never actually talked, because you were socially awkward and she had approximately the emotional range of a large brick, but she accidentally taught you a few shortcuts, since you have approximately the directional sense of a large brick.

This means that Garnet’s house is within walking distance of yours.

“I … don’t know if I’ll actually stay,” you say hesitantly. “But if you drop me off at Garnet’s house I can just walk home, so…”

“You can join in!” says Steven eagerly. “We can have a slumber party! You can be the ominous triangle at the foot of my bed!”

...What the fuck?!

“I … might stay, if my mom lets me,” you mumble, slightly weirded out. “But I’ll have to make a phone call first.”

* * *

“Thanks for the lift,” you mumble as you step out of the van. You look hopefully at Garnet. She doesn’t exactly look welcoming.

“You helped Jasper beat me up.” she says with all the emotion of a brick, neither angry nor scared, not an accusation or a declaration, just a simple, undebatable statement of fact.

“Umm…” You try again. “Sorry?”

“C’mon!” pleads Steven. “Give her a chance, Garnet!”

Garnet sighs. “...Fine.”

“Okay,” you mumble uncertainly. “...Just one thing ... “

“Yes?” asks Pink.

“Could you … maybe ask your parents to go to a restaurant or something? The idea of being supervised by two women makes me incredibly uncomfortable.”

* * *

And that, in a nutshell, is how you ended up with a child leash around your torso tying you to the outside fence like a dog.

“That’s kinda harsh, Garnet,” says Steven, frowning.

Garnet shrugs. “Her having free reign to say whatever she wanted in my house was making me incredibly uncomfortable.”

The two head back inside. You assume they’re going to let you off at some point. You can probably unfasten the leash by yourself if they don’t, but for now, you’ll accept her punishment. It was kind of tactless of you to say it to her face, even if it was true.

Besides, this way she can’t hear you.

You pull a lime green phone out of your pocket and scroll through your contacts. You make a call.

“Hey, Peridot?” says the person on the other end.

“Jasper,” you say irritably. “why the fuck did I just spend three hours driving with the lesbians from my music class to make sure your sister was okay?!”

Jasper pauses. “Peridot,” she says irritably. “why the fuck did you spend three hours driving with dykes to check on Amethyst rather than just ask me?”

That, admittedly, is a very good question.

“They were about to leave,” you mumble hurriedly. “I didn’t want to be left out.”

“Well, maybe if you were good at more than just math class and you thought to get all the details before running off, you would have found you didn’t have to worry! Amethyst does that sometimes. It’s just a ploy for attention. She always comes back.”

“She … she always gets brought back.” You find your confidence and anger rises within you. “She was really upset, Jasper, because of you! And I am good at more than just math class -- I’m excellent at science class as well!”

“Ugh, whatever,” says Jasper with a sigh. “Did you just call me to yell at me for telling my sister not to be gay?! Because that’s just tough love and that’s how it’s been ever since I broke up with that emo bitch and realised what I was doing.”

“Actually…” You dig your knuckles into your palms. “While I was driving, a boy from my music class … he … he told me everything, Jasper! He told me that you abused her, and broke her stuff, and tried to stop her from leaving --”

“You believe a fucking word that kid says?!” she snarls. “Fucking hell, Peri, this is high school. There are rumours everywhere! Just because some freshman with a teacher as a mom says I locked her in the bathroom --”

“I never mentioned that it was Steven Quartz-Universe who told me,” you say firmly yet calmly. “nor did I specify that you locked her in a bathroom.”

There’s a long pause. You can hear Jasper’s breaths. “So?!” she yells. “Even if I wasn’t perfect, that does not justify what she did! She tried to fucking drown me!”

“I ..” Your voice rises despite your desire to remain calm. “I never said it did! I still hate Lazuli for what she did to you, Jasper, and I may never forgive her for it … but why would you lock her in a bathroom?!”

“She broke up with me!” She grunts in frustration. “I just had to keep her in one place while I explained why she had to take me back. I couldn’t just let her break up with me after everything we’d been through together!”

You hesitate. A nervous sigh escapes you. “Jasper, that’s … that’s not how relationships work.”

“You’re a virgin!” she snarls. “You’ve never dated anyone! What would you know about relationships!”

“Apparently more than you, you … abuser!”

You hang up with shaking hands before you can hear the string of profanity she’ll give you in response to that. You put your phone back in your pocket and turn to see two familiar faces.

Steven begins to untie the child leash while Garnet gives you a thumbs up. You give her one back.

You begin to think that maybe, just maybe, losing Jasper as a friend won’t be such a bad thing.

That maybe, just maybe, you can find other friends.

Or that maybe, just maybe, you already have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, we've officially reached the beginning of Peri's true redemption! As in, the point where she goes from "I'm openly bigoted and I hate all of you but I'll work with you so I don't die I guess" to "I'm still kind of a bigoted jerk but I'm making an active effort to not be"
> 
> I think I accidentally made Jasper the equivalent of Yellow Diamond in this fic? Both with the fact that Peri can't properly redeem herself and join the CG until she realises Jasper is wrong and stands up to her, and with the "Apparently more than you, you clod/abuser!" quote. Eh don't question it.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, I know my author's notes tend to be annoyingly long in this fic, but if you're going to read any of them, read this one!!!
> 
> I've decided to make a couple major changes to the previous plan for this fic. My original plan was that it would have a few chapters focusing on Peri's redemption and the rest would be pure Lapidot slow burn. However, Peri's redemption took longer than expected, and as the fic went on it seemed more and more like it would essentially be a two-part story; one half focusing on Peri redeeming herself and ditching Jasper, and the other focusing on Lapidot.
> 
> However, right now we're near the end of what would be the first half, and I realised something. I really don't want to write a Lapidot slow burn. I've never particularly enjoyed writing romance, and write now a shipfic just seems ... too happy, I guess. As explained in previous author's notes, I'm going through a Bad Time right now and I don't want to write about characters being super happy and in love, I want to finish this fic and then start another that matches my current mood.
> 
> There WILL still be Lapidot in the final chapter -- but it will be more of a "sequel hook" that will be up to the readers' imaginations than actual confirmed Lapidot. There will be one more chapter after this one, to tie up several loose ends more than anything, and after that I will consider this fic to be finished.

“She was trapped in a mirror,  
and it couldn’t be clearer,  
she wanted to leave this place  
and get herself back in space…”

You roll your eyes. Just once, you’d like Steven to write a song that makes sense.

“And ‘Dot you might think she’s a criminal   
but her friendship comes through subliminal…”

You freeze. Your head shoots up. Did he just mention you by name -- well, technically, by nickname?”

“Lapis Lazuli,  
you fled into the bottom of the sea!  
Lapis Lazuli,  
you were so mad but then you came around to me!”

Nobody claps. Everyone is too shocked. Several pairs of eyes turn to stare at the blue-haired girl in the corner of the room, waiting eagerly for her response.

“Steven,” she says with a sigh. “I get that your genre is kind of nonsensical lyrics and ukulele, but … you really need to get consent if you’re going to use me in a song like that.” She mumbles something that sounds suspiciously like “especially if you’re going to mention the mirror thing and that I’m a criminal.”

Mrs. Quartz scolds him, but not as harshly as she probably should, because he’s her son. Your mind drifts back to your phone call to Jasper on Saturday, the one that Steven almost definitely heard -- the one in which you told Jasper off for her abuse of Lazuli, but also said that Lazuli’s actions were equally inexcusable.

There is no doubt in your mind why Steven wrote that song, or why he used “‘Dot” to fit the rhythm when any other one-syllable word -- just off the top of your head you can think man, babe, boy, girl, or just “oh” -- would suffice.

You don’t pay attention in the lesson; you rarely do, except when your friends are performing. Mrs. Quartz says something about how you should write a song, and your friends nod encouragingly. You pretend you’ll consider it.

You won’t.

You’re not learning a thing from music class. You’ve been in the class for ages and you still don’t know what the fuck a semibreve is.

Besides, you have something important to do at the end of the lesson.

* * *

“What the fuck do you want?”

Not quite as welcoming as you would like, but you can’t expect much more from an abuse victim being approached by an ex-friend who willingly sided with her abuser. It still stings, though.

You hate apologising.

It’s not that you hate admitting when you’re wrong -- because you’ve apologised to Garnet for the whole helping-Jasper-beat-her-up thing now that you’re friends, and to her and Pearl and Amethyst for your general homophobia -- it’s that when you apologise to your friends, you know they’ll forgive you. Functionally speaking, they already have.

But Lazuli is an utter wild card; you can’t rely on the fact that she’ll accept your apology, and you can’t exactly fault her if she does not. You’re fully aware that she might reject your attempt at making amends, and that you can’t do anything if she does. You hate putting yourself in that position.

You’ve lost more potentially salvageable friendships than you’d like to admit over stuff like this -- you would accidentally hurt their feelings, and rather than risk being publically rejected, you would write or text them an apology letter and then spend the rest of your time in the same school as them telling yourself that if they forgive you, it’s their responsibility to approach you.

You’re breaking the cycle now.

“I…” You take a deep breath. “I wanted to say sorry for how I abandoned you after everything with Jasper.

Lazuli raises a slightly-blue eyebrow. She’s really not very good at dyeing her hair. “And you decide to apologise now because … ?”

“Jasper … lied to me about what happened,” you explain. “She said a lot of things just to make you look bad and I fell for it. I’m sorry for believing her over you.”

Her other slightly blue eyebrow raises with the first. “You must’ve been really blind to not notice that she was being a dick.”

“Yeah, well…” You sigh. “When you look at someone through rose-coloured glasses, all the red flags just look like flags.”

Something in her expression changes. “Well, I can’t say I didn’t have the same problem with Jasper.”

The worst part about apologies is the vulnerability, the knowledge that your attempt at reconciliation may be rejected. The second worst part is the awkwardness after you say it, unsure if you’re truly forgiven but afraid to ask in case you don’t like the answer.

“So…?” you mumble hopefully.

She hesitates. “I … don’t know. You bring back a lot of memories of Jasper. I’m … I’m not saying we can’t be friends, but I need some time to think first, okay?”

You try not to feel hurt. “Okay. Bye, I guess.”

You tell yourself that you shouldn’t get your hopes up; that she’s not obligated to forgive you and you’ll probably never be her friend again.

But the text you recieve halfway through math class, saying “you know, i never actually deleted you from my phone” along with a water drop emoji seems rather telling.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I tried to include as many callbacks to previous chapters as I could in this one, so here's a game: try to see how many you can find! I'll point them all out at the end of the chapter!

“Come on, Peri.”

“Absolutely not.”

You remain stubborn. You dig your heels into the ground and refuse to look at the ukulele.

“Just write a song, Peri,” Steven insists. “I’ll help you! You’re the only one who hasn’t performed anything yet!”

He has a point. Pearl has sung multiple songs about her love for the teacher, but written in a way that it’s not entirely obvious. Steven’s starting to break free of his typical style of ukulele and nonsense lyrics, and moved toward synthesized noise with actual emotional lyrics -- you remember writing the lyrics to his song, titled “Change Your Mind”, in the back of your math book, for in case you found yourself cornered by judgmental bullies again without Jasper’s help.

“No.” you say stubbornly.

“But it’s so easy!” he protests. “See, you can just make it up on the spot -- like this!”

He grabs the ukulele and starts strumming.

“Life and death and love and birth  
and peace and war on the planet Earth!  
Is there anything that’s worth more,  
than peace and love on the planet Earth,  
oh-woah! Come on and sing it with me!”

“Sing?!” you sneer. You are absolutely not singing.

“The words relate to the key!”

“Key?!” you choke, pulling the key to your door out of your pocket. It’s a second too late that you remember that key is also a musical term.

“If it’s a pattern,  
if it’s a pattern,  
then just repeat after me!  
Life and death and love and birth…”

“Life and death and love and birth…” you reluctantly repeat. God, this kid’s positivity is infectious.

“Now you sing mi-fa-mi-mi-fa-mi-ti-la!”

“And peace and war on the planet earth!”

The two of you sing together. You could continue the song, with his “improvisations” that seem increasingly like they must be at the very least something he’s started on before -- he’s meant to be making this up on the spot and yet he already has insightful lyrics, a consistent melody, and harmonious chords -- but instead you hold the last note. You sound remarkably good together.

You hold the note for four beats. There’s a word for that.

After several months of music class, you’ve finally learned what the fuck a semibreve is.

“Fine,” you say stubbornly. “I’ll write a song. And I’ll call it Peace and Love, after your song!”

“Yay!” he cheers, completely unaware of your plan.

You’re going to write a song. You’re going to pour your heart and soul into it. You’re going to put all you words onto paper and make a melody out of it and it’s going to sound amazing. You’re going to write a wonderful song.

You’re going to write a wonderful song, and he’s going to hate it.

* * *

“I guess we’re already here,

I guess we already know,  
we’ve all got something to fear,  
we’ve all got nowhere to go,  
I think you’re all INSANE!  
But I guess I am too…  
Anybody would be if they were stuck in this class with you!”

It’s like Amethyst’s On the Run or Steven’s Change Your Mind. It’s short and simple and sends a clear message.

As expected, Steven hates it.

“I wanted you to write a nice song,” he says, pouting.

You can’t hear him. Your lime green headphones are blasting the soundtrack to Pokemon Omega Ruby and Alpha Sapphire.

You’re eagerly singing along to the lyrics of Appeal Love.

* * *

You’d be surprised to see such an angel, but you can’t expect much else if you’re going to be walking into Heaven.

“Hi, Lapis!” you say brightly.

She gives you a thumbs up. “What can I get for you?” she asks with slightly more emotion than a large brick. You still think she and Garnet should hang out more.

Months ago, the butterflies in your stomach and the redness in your cheeks when you talk to Lapis would have made you hate yourself; now, you just hope your parents don’t find out.

“Six McNuggets, please,” you answer, and she gives you seven.

You eat them at the table; she can’t really talk to you since she’s at work, but you want to spend as much time with her as possible.

You’re not perfect. You’re still working on your understanding of the LGBT community, and unlearning the ideals you were raised with. You’re struggling to avoid self-deprecating remarks that end up insulting the majority of your friends as well, and you’re still not sure you understand Steven’s half-sister -- no, sorry, half-sibling -- who apparently isn’t a boy or a girl and, more to the point, changed their name to fucking Stevonnie.

The worst part is that you still miss Jasper. You still miss being her friend. But you’ve more or less replaced her with Steven, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl, and now that you’re away from her you can work on yourself and be friends with Lapis. You wouldn’t give that up for the world.

Lapis isn’t perfect either. She’s unpredictable at times. Her use of dark humour as a coping mechanism has a tendency to freak people out when they don’t know her past. Sometimes people surprise her and she accidentally elbows them in the face. Sometimes people annoy her and she deliberately elbows them in the face.

You wonder if she still misses Jasper. You hope not.

There was a time when you thought you and Lapis had nothing in common. You were the nerd and she was the emo. You were the homophobe and she was the lesbian. You were Jasper’s best friend and she was Jasper’s worst enemy.

But now you’re fully aware of the most important thing you have in common:

That maybe, just maybe, you’re both redeemable.

Or maybe, just maybe, you’re both already redeemed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aha, the end of an era! 
> 
> Callbacks:
> 
> -Obvious ones: Amethysts's "On the Run", Steven's "style" being ukulele and nonsense lyrics, Pearl has a crush on Rose, etc. Not so much call-backs as they are references to previously established parts of the AU.
> 
> -Kinda one: Peri's "Peace and Love" is compared to Amethyst's "On the Run", because both involve (short) gem character singing only their part of a song that in the show proper is a duet between them and Steven
> 
> -Peri finally learns what a semibreve is! That's been a running joke that's appeared in a couple chapters
> 
> -The references to Appeal Love
> 
> -Peri compares Lapis to an angel and the McDonald's where she works to Heaven (in contrast to the first chapter, where literally the first line of the entire fic is "You'd say "Speak of the Devil", but you can't expect much more if you're going to be walking into Hell", with the Devil being Lapis and the McDonald's being Hell
> 
> -The final two lines are a reference to the last two lines of chapter 10, in which Peri laments mentally that as much as losing Jasper sucks, it's possible that she'll find new friends ... or that she already has
> 
> -This one's my personal favourite: In the first chapter, Peri orders 6 McNuggets and gets 5. In this chapter, she orders 6 McNuggets and gets 7.


End file.
